Key 5:
LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER
I say again,
listen to ONE ANOTHER.
What that means is:
both husband and wife must be able to discuss problems
and listen to what each other has to say.
One of the most common reasons when problems arise is:
communication breakdown.
It is most detrimental to a marriage when one of the partner
refuses to discuss issues openly.
Communications have to be 2-way.
It does not help for just one partner to pour out everything
and the other simply "hearing" it.
We need to practise "active listening".
What do I mean by that?
Now, when your partner talks to you,
you must not only listen,
you must also SHOW her/him that you are listening.
How do you do that?
There are a few ways to that,
one of the simplest way is to paraphrase what your partner says.
By doing that,
you show her/him that not only you're listening,
you UNDERSTAND what she/he is talking about.
Above that, you show interest to know more.
Of course, at this point,
the one talking will have to allow some time for the other person
to absorb and digest.
Problems in a marriage need to be resolved by
both husband and wife,
for the fact that marriage is between 2 individuals.
It takes 2 hands to clap and it definitely need 2 hands to make it work.
Work it out together if you can,
but don't hesitate to get outside help.
Remember when you give your vows to one another,
you vowed to go through thick and thin, weal or woe,together.
Make every, I mean EVERY single effort to make it work!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Are You Ready to Get Married?
Ask yourself these 4 questions.
1) Can you see yourself committed in your future spouse?
To nurture, help and develope him/her to his/her maximum potential?
2) Can you see your future spouse committing to
nurture, help and develop yourself to your maximum potential?
3) Can you see yourself spending the REST OF YOUR LIFE
with your future spouse, no matter what happens?
and finally,
4) Can you see your spouse spending the REST OF HIS/HER LIFE
with you, no matter what happens?
If you have answer "yes" to all 4 questions,
you can be quite sure that you are ready to get married. :)
1) Can you see yourself committed in your future spouse?
To nurture, help and develope him/her to his/her maximum potential?
2) Can you see your future spouse committing to
nurture, help and develop yourself to your maximum potential?
3) Can you see yourself spending the REST OF YOUR LIFE
with your future spouse, no matter what happens?
and finally,
4) Can you see your spouse spending the REST OF HIS/HER LIFE
with you, no matter what happens?
If you have answer "yes" to all 4 questions,
you can be quite sure that you are ready to get married. :)
Keys to a Successful Marriage Part 4
Key 4:
DON'T WITHHOLD LOVE AND AFFECTION
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 has this to say:
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.
In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone
but also to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time,
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control."
This is how husbands and wives should treat their bodies.
After marriage, our bodies belong to each other,
not only we should not withhold love and affection,
we should also treat our spouse's body like our own,
taking care and loving it like that way we love our own bodies.
However, we must not use this as a weapon to get our own way.
That means, we are not to abuse each other, physically or mentally
just because the bible says "The wife's body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband."
When 2 persons get married,
they are united as one body,
you wouldn't hurt or harm your own body right?
Therefore, treat each other as how you wanted to be treated,
and nurture and grow together in body, mind and spirit.
DON'T WITHHOLD LOVE AND AFFECTION
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 has this to say:
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.
In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone
but also to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time,
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control."
This is how husbands and wives should treat their bodies.
After marriage, our bodies belong to each other,
not only we should not withhold love and affection,
we should also treat our spouse's body like our own,
taking care and loving it like that way we love our own bodies.
However, we must not use this as a weapon to get our own way.
That means, we are not to abuse each other, physically or mentally
just because the bible says "The wife's body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband."
When 2 persons get married,
they are united as one body,
you wouldn't hurt or harm your own body right?
Therefore, treat each other as how you wanted to be treated,
and nurture and grow together in body, mind and spirit.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Keys to a Successful Marriage Part 3
Key 3:
REMAIN SEXUALLY PURE UNTIL MARRIAGE
This is an admonition for young people.
It is difficult but not impossible.
Young people who are taking a stand against pre-marital sex
are to be applauded.
Think of it this way,
pre-marital sex IS sex outside marriage, right?
Even though you are "certain" that he/she is going to be the one
you're going to marry,
as long as you are not officially announced husband and wife,
pre-marital sex=sex outside marriage.
It would mean agreeing to your spouse having extra-marital sex.
Marriages will have greater chance of success if both remain
sexually pure before marriage.
REMAIN SEXUALLY PURE UNTIL MARRIAGE
This is an admonition for young people.
It is difficult but not impossible.
Young people who are taking a stand against pre-marital sex
are to be applauded.
Think of it this way,
pre-marital sex IS sex outside marriage, right?
Even though you are "certain" that he/she is going to be the one
you're going to marry,
as long as you are not officially announced husband and wife,
pre-marital sex=sex outside marriage.
It would mean agreeing to your spouse having extra-marital sex.
Marriages will have greater chance of success if both remain
sexually pure before marriage.
Keys to a Successful Marriage Part 2
Key 2:
CHOOSE THE RIGHT MATE
This is the one of the most important keys to a successful marriage.
God made us creatures of choice.
We choose the people we get acquainted with.
We choose the people we stick with.
We choose THE ONE we spend the rest of our lives with.
Some of us get caught up in the romance and physical attraction,
so much so that we do not consider whether the person we're
attracted to will help or hinder in our spiritual development.
You fall in love with someone who gives you the special tinkling
feeling whenever you are together.
You also fall in love with someone who is romantic and never fail
to surprise you with roses and candlelight dinner.
BUT,
that does not necessarily mean that someone would make a good spouse.
We were directed to 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, which says:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.
For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?
Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?
What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?"
What it basically means is that believers cannot be married to a non-believer,
in our context at least.
I was a believer for more than 8 years and Fang wasn't one the time we met.
She told me she was quite repulsive to the idea of christianity,
and was hoping I don't try to get her converted.
I did not give up.
I know for sure that she IS the one God has intended for me.
If you read my story of how I managed to win her heart,
you shall understand why I said that.
But that would be another post in time to come. :)
Coming back to topic,
it wasn't long before she came to accept Christ,
and encountered with God so much that I was envious of her! :D
God gave us the freedom to choose,
but we have to be responsible for the choices we make.
CHOOSE THE RIGHT MATE
This is the one of the most important keys to a successful marriage.
God made us creatures of choice.
We choose the people we get acquainted with.
We choose the people we stick with.
We choose THE ONE we spend the rest of our lives with.
Some of us get caught up in the romance and physical attraction,
so much so that we do not consider whether the person we're
attracted to will help or hinder in our spiritual development.
You fall in love with someone who gives you the special tinkling
feeling whenever you are together.
You also fall in love with someone who is romantic and never fail
to surprise you with roses and candlelight dinner.
BUT,
that does not necessarily mean that someone would make a good spouse.
We were directed to 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, which says:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.
For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?
Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?
What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?"
What it basically means is that believers cannot be married to a non-believer,
in our context at least.
I was a believer for more than 8 years and Fang wasn't one the time we met.
She told me she was quite repulsive to the idea of christianity,
and was hoping I don't try to get her converted.
I did not give up.
I know for sure that she IS the one God has intended for me.
If you read my story of how I managed to win her heart,
you shall understand why I said that.
But that would be another post in time to come. :)
Coming back to topic,
it wasn't long before she came to accept Christ,
and encountered with God so much that I was envious of her! :D
God gave us the freedom to choose,
but we have to be responsible for the choices we make.
Keys to a Successful Marriage Part 1
We were given some notes on the first day of MPC.
I guess these keys can be found on different books or websites,
similiar foundations, just worded differently.
From the bible, Psalm 127:1 has this to say:
" Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain."
Key 1:
COMMITMENT
In order for a marriage to work,
BOTH parties MUST be committed.
Divorce rates are rising at an incredibly high rate,
especially in our generation.
Are we getting less committed,
or are we getting more afraid to commit ourselves?
Divorce should not be an option.
Divorce must not be an option.
As our counsellors put it,
divorce must never exists in our minds after marriage.
If we were to think of divorcing even before that,
why get married in the first place?
But then again,
there are of course situations where there is abuse and infidelity,
which cannot, and should not be tolerated.
If discernment is used in Key 2,
this type of abuse will not be found at all.
Not only we must commit to make our marriage work,
we must also commit to build, respect, encourage, support, console
and counsel each other,
so that we may grow and mature in body, mind and spirit.
I guess these keys can be found on different books or websites,
similiar foundations, just worded differently.
From the bible, Psalm 127:1 has this to say:
" Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain."
Key 1:
COMMITMENT
In order for a marriage to work,
BOTH parties MUST be committed.
Divorce rates are rising at an incredibly high rate,
especially in our generation.
Are we getting less committed,
or are we getting more afraid to commit ourselves?
Divorce should not be an option.
Divorce must not be an option.
As our counsellors put it,
divorce must never exists in our minds after marriage.
If we were to think of divorcing even before that,
why get married in the first place?
But then again,
there are of course situations where there is abuse and infidelity,
which cannot, and should not be tolerated.
If discernment is used in Key 2,
this type of abuse will not be found at all.
Not only we must commit to make our marriage work,
we must also commit to build, respect, encourage, support, console
and counsel each other,
so that we may grow and mature in body, mind and spirit.
More About Us
My name is Ethan, 31, from Singapore.
My girlfriend, Fang and myself were planning to get married this year.
As we are both christians,
we want this union to be blessed by our church and of course, the Lord.
So we decided to go through the required procedures before we can get
married in a church and solemnized by our pastor.
The requirements are:
1) 2 sessions of Marriage Preparation Course which is non-religious.
2) 2 Christian-based sessions conducted by our marrying pastor,
using scriptural teachings to reinforce what have been taught in part 1.
3) 10 weeks of nursery duty.
In the beginning,
we thought that the whole procedure would take us roughly a whole
year or more to complete because of the course dates available.
We were thinking of not fulfilling this requirement and book a ROM
date on our own instead.
But we stuck to the original plan for it was God who brought us together,
and getting our pastor to bless us in a church is really significant and
meaningful for both of us.
We started our first nursery duty on 7 Oct 2007,
and done MPC on 13 and 20 Oct 2007.
Much as we tried,
we could not finish the nursery duty in 10 consecutive weeks as planned.
However, we managed to complete it before 2007 ends.
YAY to that!
As of today, 6 Jan 2008,
we have completed the first session of MPC part 2 with our pastor!
We will be sharing some lessons we learnt during MPC,
which we felt important and meaningful to us,
and perhaps other couples would find useful in their future plans.
My girlfriend, Fang and myself were planning to get married this year.
As we are both christians,
we want this union to be blessed by our church and of course, the Lord.
So we decided to go through the required procedures before we can get
married in a church and solemnized by our pastor.
The requirements are:
1) 2 sessions of Marriage Preparation Course which is non-religious.
2) 2 Christian-based sessions conducted by our marrying pastor,
using scriptural teachings to reinforce what have been taught in part 1.
3) 10 weeks of nursery duty.
In the beginning,
we thought that the whole procedure would take us roughly a whole
year or more to complete because of the course dates available.
We were thinking of not fulfilling this requirement and book a ROM
date on our own instead.
But we stuck to the original plan for it was God who brought us together,
and getting our pastor to bless us in a church is really significant and
meaningful for both of us.
We started our first nursery duty on 7 Oct 2007,
and done MPC on 13 and 20 Oct 2007.
Much as we tried,
we could not finish the nursery duty in 10 consecutive weeks as planned.
However, we managed to complete it before 2007 ends.
YAY to that!
As of today, 6 Jan 2008,
we have completed the first session of MPC part 2 with our pastor!
We will be sharing some lessons we learnt during MPC,
which we felt important and meaningful to us,
and perhaps other couples would find useful in their future plans.
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